5 Years Today

It has been 5 years today that Emily and I began our life journey without Jim.  It hasn't been easy and sometimes it was so hard that I felt on the brink of giving up, but, thankfully, God has always been there to pull me up.  The pain, the loss, all of that is still just as great as ever.  It seems like yesterday that he left.  Then sometimes it seems like it was 100 years ago and I am going to forget what he looks like or forget his playful nature or his giving spirit.  I miss that man.  I often wonder what he is doing.  I think about what he is experiencing being in the presence of God, knowing all the mysteries, being incredibly happy with no sorrow and no pain.  I know he is watching Emily grow up and I know he is very proud of her.  I don't know how God does it but I know he handles all that.  Emily is just now beginning to want to look at videos of him.  She was very angry for a long time.  She is doing well now.  She wants to put together a video of his life.  She loves tinkering with video software.  I wonder where she gets that.  Jim would have loved being a grandpa to Kru and Jax.  Oh my gosh, it would have been right up his alley.  They would never lack for someone to play with.  I miss watching he and Emily play.  What a delight that was.  I hate that Emily doesn't get to experience that anymore.  I think it is a very important part of growing up.  God promises in his Word that he will be her father - that he will make sure she is taken care of.  I believe that with all my heart and I have to rely on him totally because I know how incompetent I am without God's guidance, forgiveness, comfort, hope and his loving kindness.  I am thankful to God that I am not lonely, that I can focus on Emily and other things that are important in our lives right now.  I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that I will walk with the Lord and he will pave the way.  Jim, sweet sunshine, I miss you and I love you and I will see you again!