Last Moments

Recently I can't seem to get his last words to me off my mind. Dave had come from Arizona to sit with Jim at the hospital. We kept someone there continuously because the care was lacking to say the least. It got so bad at one point and I was so angry that I wrote every thing down on paper. Anyway, it was the second night Dave stayed with him so I could get some much needed rest and work done. Dave called me in the middle of the night and said something was very wrong with Jimmy and they are taking him to ICU. I rushed to the hospital to find them putting the ventilator mask over his face. Jim voiced 'I love you', closed his eyes and motioned me to go on as they were telling me to leave. There was blood all over the mask. He was so brave. I should have known he knew things were bad. He never told me he loved me first unless he was in trouble or it was a very special occasion. We almost lost him the next day. The care was much better in ICU. We had no idea what we were getting into when all this started. I didn't even know was Leukemia was.

I miss him so very much. I miss our life together. I miss our plans and our dreams. I miss watching our favorite shows togeter. It hurts so much losing him. The depth of my loss is so great when I let myself think about all the things that will never be.