Four Years Without You

My precious Jim, God's precious Jim, I am having a real hard time keeping it together as the anniversary of your death approaches. I know it is a physical death. I know you are in heaven with God. But I miss you. I miss you so much. I can't believe it has been four years. Four years since I lost my soul mate. Four years since I lost the only man I truely loved. Four years since I lost my very best friend. And I still grieve for you. My heart bleeds for you. You were the person for me. Oh God, I miss him so much. I am trying hard to be a good mom, a good person, a good Christian and my life is good and I am grateful but there is still a empty place in my heart that I see no way to ever fill. Jim, I'm sad that you're not here. I'm sad that you suffered. I am sad that you died. I'm sad Emily doesn't have you as her Daddy. What a loss. God forgive me, I know that you are in complete control, that it was your plan to take Jim and I know that I/we will be ok. But I am weak especially during this time of remembering and feeling sorry for myself. God, as I walk with you, give me strength to remember Jim with happiness and not sadness. Help me to be comforted in knowing he is with you and that I will see him again and that he is watching over us. Amen. I miss you Jim.